A kaleidoscope is a powerful talisman in my office. Traditionally, a talisman is thought to bring good luck or ward off evil spirits. In my practice, a kaleidoscope is a symbol of hope, a guidepost, and an object lesson.
Divorce work, well done, requires the ability to see the pieces and the whole.
Divorce lawyers, divorce coaches, divorce mediators, and most of all divorce clients succeed when they are able to shift perspectives, see the forest for the trees and the trees for the forest, take the long view and the short view. All of us in the process must understand and accept that the most minute adjustments change the entire picture and we have to be willing to keep turning until the jumbled pieces transform into a unified whole.
The glass shards in a kaleidoscope are not right or wrong, they are simply different from one another. As I turn a kaleidoscope, I create a design that speaks to me. In mediation or a collaborative divorce, we are jointly responsible for creating a whole that is acceptable to the family. The willingness to keep turning, keep talking, and keep listening until the picture falls into place is the heart of mediation and collaborative divorce. The picture is not arrived at through force. It is created through good faith, hard work, and joint effort.
Mediation or a collaborative divorce require real work – the process is not for the faint of heart. Choosing a collaborative divorce or a mediated divorce is not layering politically correct language on top of business as usual. It is the transformation of a family directed by the family with the guidance of skilled experts.
Turning the pieces of a marriage that is ending into a design for the future is the work of collaborative divorce and mediation.